Reflection 5: Chapters 9 & 10
November 9, 2016
COMM 320
Chapter 9
"Relfies: Good for You and Your Relationships"
a. "Which of the research conclusions in this readings rings most true for you? Which does not?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 298
One conclusion that is true for me is when the author says, "People take relfies when they are happy and having fun. Emphasizing the good times in relationships benefits your relationships by increasing emotional intimacy, trust, and satisfaction." - Looking Out Looking In, page 298
I usually take "relfies" when I am having fun whether it be with friends or with my significant other. I think it does make the relationship better because taking a "relfie" indicates that you think the event is fun enough to document.
Another conclusion that I can relate with is, "Did you and your partner do something new, interesting, and/or challenging? (think: skydiving relfie, surfing lessons relfie, tried a new restaurant relfie). Research shows that these types of experiences help you grow as a person and improve the quality of your relationships." -Looking Out Looking In, page 298
It's similar to the last conclusion I mentioned. Usually new, adventurous activities are fun, so I like to document it. I think that "relfies" with friends or your significant other improves the relationship because it requires you to be in close proximity with the person, and it (most of the time) requires you to smile. So, "relfies" help people correlate fun, happiness and closeness with the person they are taking it with.
One of the conclusions I do not really see as truthful is, "Couples who relfie together stay together. Couples who have more of a "we" identity tend to have higher relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and commitment." -Looking Out Looking In, page 298
I don't relfie with my friends or my significant other a whole ton... and I don't think it defines the amount of satisfaction, intimacy and commitment I feel from the relationships I have. However, I can see how doing it might make one feel close to the one they are "relfie-ing" with. However, I don't think taking "relfies" is a super important component in a relationship.
Two other conclusions that kind of go together that I don't necessarily agree with are, "Couples who feel closer to each other are more likely to display things (perhaps relfies on Twitter) that let the world know they are a couple" and "Others see you as having a better romantic relationship. No relfie? People might perceive less of a connection between you and your partner." -Both from Looking Out Looking In, page 298
I don't post many relfies on social media with my significant other, hardly at all, and that is because we like to keep our relationship kind of private. I don't have to show off my relationship on social media often when people already know I am with someone. Even though I can see why posting pictures with sappy captions might make someone think I have a better romantic relationship, I feel like people think well of my relationship despite not having many of them. I just think that a relationship shouldn't be judged based on the amount of pictures someone may post with their significant other.
b. "Can you think of a social networking page that doesn't accurately reflect a friend's interpersonal relationships? Explain how you arrived at that perception and what changes could be made." -Looking Out Looking In, page 298
I don't use every social networking site, but the one that I use that I think doesn't reflect a friend's interpersonal relationships in today's age is Gmail. Most people use it as a business type of communication site. Friends don't chat on Gmail like they used to and most people use Gmail to remain in contact with people they do not have close relationships with. I think the way Gmail is used today is perfectly fine because we have a number of other sites to display our interpersonal relationships on. A way to make Gmail better reflect interpersonal relationships would be to show who each person stays in contact with most, allow you to post pictures, or just all together get rid of other social networking sites.
2) The Movie "The Fault in Our Stars"
"How have you communicated support to loved ones who were going through challenging times? What kind of support do you most like to receive?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 304
I have shown support to loved ones through text if I am far away by sending encouraging messages, or by verbal and physical support when I am with someone who is hurting. I show verbal support by saying everything will be alright and other encouraging things and I show physical support by hugging the person or just being there to help them in a time of need.
The kind of support I most definitely like is physical support. When I'm hurt and feeling low I like to just be held with silence or some encouraging words being said. When the time is right for me, I will start opening up and talking.
I think social media can meet some intimacy needs in that it allows you to talk to people privately and you can send emojis and express feelings, etc. With other means of communication, like through skype, you can actually see each other which meets a need more than just typing words. However, I think intimacy needs cannot be fully satisfied through social media like it could be in person. Just merely seeing and being next to a person can fulfill intimacy needs. Social media limits intimacy needs because you aren't with the loved one in person. You can't feel their presence and you get no physical contact. For me, a big part of intimacy is being able to physically be with a person and being able to touch them.
I don't post many relfies on social media with my significant other, hardly at all, and that is because we like to keep our relationship kind of private. I don't have to show off my relationship on social media often when people already know I am with someone. Even though I can see why posting pictures with sappy captions might make someone think I have a better romantic relationship, I feel like people think well of my relationship despite not having many of them. I just think that a relationship shouldn't be judged based on the amount of pictures someone may post with their significant other.
b. "Can you think of a social networking page that doesn't accurately reflect a friend's interpersonal relationships? Explain how you arrived at that perception and what changes could be made." -Looking Out Looking In, page 298
I don't use every social networking site, but the one that I use that I think doesn't reflect a friend's interpersonal relationships in today's age is Gmail. Most people use it as a business type of communication site. Friends don't chat on Gmail like they used to and most people use Gmail to remain in contact with people they do not have close relationships with. I think the way Gmail is used today is perfectly fine because we have a number of other sites to display our interpersonal relationships on. A way to make Gmail better reflect interpersonal relationships would be to show who each person stays in contact with most, allow you to post pictures, or just all together get rid of other social networking sites.
2) The Movie "The Fault in Our Stars"
"How have you communicated support to loved ones who were going through challenging times? What kind of support do you most like to receive?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 304
I have shown support to loved ones through text if I am far away by sending encouraging messages, or by verbal and physical support when I am with someone who is hurting. I show verbal support by saying everything will be alright and other encouraging things and I show physical support by hugging the person or just being there to help them in a time of need.
The kind of support I most definitely like is physical support. When I'm hurt and feeling low I like to just be held with silence or some encouraging words being said. When the time is right for me, I will start opening up and talking.
Chapter 10
1) The Movie "Her"
"To what degree do you think social media help you meet your intimacy needs? To what degree do they limit interpersonal intimacy?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 317
I think social media can meet some intimacy needs in that it allows you to talk to people privately and you can send emojis and express feelings, etc. With other means of communication, like through skype, you can actually see each other which meets a need more than just typing words. However, I think intimacy needs cannot be fully satisfied through social media like it could be in person. Just merely seeing and being next to a person can fulfill intimacy needs. Social media limits intimacy needs because you aren't with the loved one in person. You can't feel their presence and you get no physical contact. For me, a big part of intimacy is being able to physically be with a person and being able to touch them.
2) The Movie "What If"
"Do you think platonic friendships can be maintained when there is the potential for romance in a relationship?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 329
To me, this question can be taken two different ways, so I will answer both of them.
Personally, I think yes and no. If someone is in an affectionate friendship with someone and there is potential for a romantic relationship to blossom, I think it will either go forward into the romantic relationship or be terminated or maintained. If one of the two in the friendship say that they can't have a relationship with the person for some reason, I personally would want to terminate the friendship all together because hanging out with the person as friends when you want something more with them would be torturous, at least in my opinion. Especially when you're already super comfortable with them and you're great friends. If somehow the friendship went on even when wanting a romantic relationship, it would be very stressful and hard to move on to another person. So, I think it could go either way.
If my significant other had a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex when I started dating them, I would have felt kind of uncomfortable. So I would say the answer to the question is a yes and a no... platonic relationships can or cannot be maintained depending on how I went about addressing it. I would talk to my significant other and express how I felt threatened by such an affectionate friendship and would ask to maybe tone it down. Either that, or I would express how I felt and would ask for reassurance every now and then to help me not feel threatened and gain more trust.
Platonic friendships... can a woman and man be "just friends"? Unless you are related to the other person, isn't there always a possibility for romance in the relationship? I've just personally been told that a lot and I have seen it happen to multiple people around me. Now the possibility doesn't make it okay or justify the romance. I'm just saying that the possibility of romantic attraction is always there. Taking action is a different story. (Rachel K)
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