Reflection 4: Chapters 7 & 8

Kristen Halbritter
October 26, 2016
COMM 320
Reflection 4: Chapters 7 & 8

Chapter 7

1)  "The Eyes Have It"

a. "Observe the degree of eye contact others use when they engage with you.  Based on your experience, what is the optimal level of eye contact in varying types of relationships and contexts?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 228.

To me, eye contact is a sign that the other person is comfortable, cares, and has respect for you.  I think in every context as a sign of respect for anyone, there should be some eye contact. When you are talking to a superior, I think maintaining eye contact is very important.  It shows that you are listening and are being respectful.  However, just like in any context, you don't want to make so much eye contact that it makes the person uncomfortable.  Every once in a while you should look away, probably when it is your turn to talk.  When you are talking to someone you don't know as well, it is harder to maintain eye contact because you may be uncomfortable.  However, as mentioned before, I think everyone should receive even a little eye contact just to show general respect.  Years ago, like in 7th or 8th grade, I remember one of my friends really disliked a teacher we had. I remember seeing her interact with the teacher to ask a question or something and she gave eye contact that was all over the place.  Her eyes were looking at pretty much everything but the teachers eyes with just short glances.  In a relationship where there is little respect or care for the other person, eye contact is very difficult to give and even receive from the other person.  With people I am super close with, like my significant other, my family, and good friends, giving and maintaining eye contact comes naturally and is easy to give. In conclusion,  everyone in any context or type of relationship deserves eye contact in my opinion. The closer you are to a person and the more superior a person may be over you, the more eye contact they (should) receive. 

b. "Pay attention to your level of eye contact in important personal relationships.  How might adjusting this level change the nature of your interactions?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 228.

If I give less eye contact than normal, it might indicate something is bothering me or that I am annoyed or upset by something.  If I give more eye contact it might indicate that I am feeling happier than normal.  Related to interactions, less eye contact might lead to more shallow and shorter conversations while more eye contact might lead to longer, more meaningful conversations.

2) "The movie Crazy, Stupid Love"

"How much does your appearance affect how you feel about yourself?  Can it change the way you interact with others?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 235.

I think the way people dress tells a lot about how they think of themselves.  I think if people think they are respectable, they will dress respectable.  For me, comfort is above all when it comes to my clothes.  I love shorts, t-shirts, jeans, and sweaters.  I don't keep up with style or fashion and I feel good in the way I dress.  I don't dress super fancy or anything, but I dress respectably and dress according to the occasion.  For me, at least right now, the way I dress doesn't really affect how I feel about myself.  I remember a few years ago I had pretty low self esteem and I thought I was 'chubby.'  The way I dressed reflected that.  I wore sweat pants and hid under baggy clothes. Now I feel comfortable with how I look and I feel differently about myself, so I am more comfortable wearing whatever I feel like wearing.  

Yes, the way I dress can affect the way I interact with others.  Sometimes, when interacting with others who are dressed fancier than me, I feel inferior to them.  When I am under dressed for an occasion, my self-confidence and willingness to interact may go down because I am worried about what everyone else is thinking of my wardrobe.  If I think I am dressed well and look good, I will be more confident in my interactions because I won't be worried about what others think of how I am dressed.

 Chapter 8

1)  "The movie 50/50" 

"What kinds of listening responses do you offer when someone you know is hurting?  What kind of responses do you like to receive when you're the one struggling?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 266.

A lot of the time I will ask them if they want to talk about it or I will reassure them that I am here if they want to talk about it.  Whether they open up or not I will hug them or comfort them with other gestures. When I know what is bothering the person or why they are hurting, I will say things that will comfort them and will try to cheer them up by talking about other things or by trying to make them laugh.  

When I am struggling myself, I like people to just let me cry and be with me.  I like it silent a lot of the time.  I don't like people prodding me to open up, I like to do it on my own time.  I just like to know that there is an option to open up and that there is someone there for me if need be.  

2) "The show Scandal"

"Are there times when you want advice more than empathy? Is it possible to give some of both?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 269.

Hardly.  I like advice only when I ask for it.  Even empathy is sometimes not the best for me when I'm struggling and hurting.  I like it to be silent sometimes more than people being empathetic towards me.  However, I definitely prefer empathy over advice.  

Yes, it is possible to give some of both. If you are going to give both, I would show empathy first and indicate that you know what they're going through and then give advice based on your experience. However, a lot of the time, I think people that are hurting need empathy the most and advice should only be given when asked for.