Reflection 4: Chapters 7 & 8

Kristen Halbritter
October 26, 2016
COMM 320
Reflection 4: Chapters 7 & 8

Chapter 7

1)  "The Eyes Have It"

a. "Observe the degree of eye contact others use when they engage with you.  Based on your experience, what is the optimal level of eye contact in varying types of relationships and contexts?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 228.

To me, eye contact is a sign that the other person is comfortable, cares, and has respect for you.  I think in every context as a sign of respect for anyone, there should be some eye contact. When you are talking to a superior, I think maintaining eye contact is very important.  It shows that you are listening and are being respectful.  However, just like in any context, you don't want to make so much eye contact that it makes the person uncomfortable.  Every once in a while you should look away, probably when it is your turn to talk.  When you are talking to someone you don't know as well, it is harder to maintain eye contact because you may be uncomfortable.  However, as mentioned before, I think everyone should receive even a little eye contact just to show general respect.  Years ago, like in 7th or 8th grade, I remember one of my friends really disliked a teacher we had. I remember seeing her interact with the teacher to ask a question or something and she gave eye contact that was all over the place.  Her eyes were looking at pretty much everything but the teachers eyes with just short glances.  In a relationship where there is little respect or care for the other person, eye contact is very difficult to give and even receive from the other person.  With people I am super close with, like my significant other, my family, and good friends, giving and maintaining eye contact comes naturally and is easy to give. In conclusion,  everyone in any context or type of relationship deserves eye contact in my opinion. The closer you are to a person and the more superior a person may be over you, the more eye contact they (should) receive. 

b. "Pay attention to your level of eye contact in important personal relationships.  How might adjusting this level change the nature of your interactions?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 228.

If I give less eye contact than normal, it might indicate something is bothering me or that I am annoyed or upset by something.  If I give more eye contact it might indicate that I am feeling happier than normal.  Related to interactions, less eye contact might lead to more shallow and shorter conversations while more eye contact might lead to longer, more meaningful conversations.

2) "The movie Crazy, Stupid Love"

"How much does your appearance affect how you feel about yourself?  Can it change the way you interact with others?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 235.

I think the way people dress tells a lot about how they think of themselves.  I think if people think they are respectable, they will dress respectable.  For me, comfort is above all when it comes to my clothes.  I love shorts, t-shirts, jeans, and sweaters.  I don't keep up with style or fashion and I feel good in the way I dress.  I don't dress super fancy or anything, but I dress respectably and dress according to the occasion.  For me, at least right now, the way I dress doesn't really affect how I feel about myself.  I remember a few years ago I had pretty low self esteem and I thought I was 'chubby.'  The way I dressed reflected that.  I wore sweat pants and hid under baggy clothes. Now I feel comfortable with how I look and I feel differently about myself, so I am more comfortable wearing whatever I feel like wearing.  

Yes, the way I dress can affect the way I interact with others.  Sometimes, when interacting with others who are dressed fancier than me, I feel inferior to them.  When I am under dressed for an occasion, my self-confidence and willingness to interact may go down because I am worried about what everyone else is thinking of my wardrobe.  If I think I am dressed well and look good, I will be more confident in my interactions because I won't be worried about what others think of how I am dressed.

 Chapter 8

1)  "The movie 50/50" 

"What kinds of listening responses do you offer when someone you know is hurting?  What kind of responses do you like to receive when you're the one struggling?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 266.

A lot of the time I will ask them if they want to talk about it or I will reassure them that I am here if they want to talk about it.  Whether they open up or not I will hug them or comfort them with other gestures. When I know what is bothering the person or why they are hurting, I will say things that will comfort them and will try to cheer them up by talking about other things or by trying to make them laugh.  

When I am struggling myself, I like people to just let me cry and be with me.  I like it silent a lot of the time.  I don't like people prodding me to open up, I like to do it on my own time.  I just like to know that there is an option to open up and that there is someone there for me if need be.  

2) "The show Scandal"

"Are there times when you want advice more than empathy? Is it possible to give some of both?" -Looking Out Looking In, page 269.

Hardly.  I like advice only when I ask for it.  Even empathy is sometimes not the best for me when I'm struggling and hurting.  I like it to be silent sometimes more than people being empathetic towards me.  However, I definitely prefer empathy over advice.  

Yes, it is possible to give some of both. If you are going to give both, I would show empathy first and indicate that you know what they're going through and then give advice based on your experience. However, a lot of the time, I think people that are hurting need empathy the most and advice should only be given when asked for.

Reflection 3: Chapters 5 & 6

Kristen Halbritter
October 19, 2016
COMM 320
Reflection 3: Chapters 5 & 6

Chapter 5

1) The movie ‘Inside Out’ 

“Are you able to recognize your emotions when you experience them?” -Looking Out Looking In, page 152

I would say I recognize my emotions pretty well when I experience them.  However, sometimes I don’t realize what I’m feeling until someone asks me whats wrong or why I’m acting a certain way. When my emotions are very strong, I for sure recognize them and can tell someone myself how I am feeling and will often express it.  For example, when I’m super happy, I’ll express that I am.  If I am feeling very frustrated and upset, then I’ll let people know why.  When my emotions are not as strong, I may not be super aware unless someone mentions something to me.

2) The TV show ‘Revenge’

“What emotions typically accompany a desire for vengeance?” -Looking Out Looking In, page 159

The first emotion that came to mind when I read this question was anger.  In my own experience, I would want revenge when someone made me angry.  A very mild example in my experience would be losing a soccer game.  I would want revenge on the opposite team, to beat them the next meet up after getting upset about losing or getting upset with a certain player on the team.

Besides anger, I think another emotion that can make someone feel revengeful is sadness.  I think of Ramases the Pharaoh of Egypt after Moses, through God, sent the plagues.  After he let the Israelites leave Egypt, Ramases shortly went after them. I personally think some of the reason as to why he wanted to go after them had to do with revenge and I can imagine he was especially feeling sadness as well as anger due to his country being in ruins and his son being killed by the final plague.

Chapter 6

1) The movie ‘Mean Girls’

“Does your language reflect the groups to which you belong?”  -Looking Out Looking In, page 188

I think so.  One time I was talking with a friend about a certain program she wanted to join and she went on to explain that the people in the program speak a certain way.  She told me they speak more intellectually and proper than the average student and that she appreciated that and wanted to be a part of that.  I think some of the things I say reflect the groups of people I spend time with.  For example, I sometimes say things in Samoan because I was good friends with a Samoan family/community that would constantly use those words.  I also have certain sayings that only people in a certain group would understand or find relateable and funny.  For example, the saying, “cut me a piece.”

2) Language and Heritage

“Can you think of words and names that others use for you that denote their relationship with you,  similar to how hearing the word “Mi’ja” led Sandra Cisneros to think of her father?” -Looking Out Looking In, page 207

a.  Yes, when someone calls me “Kris” it reminds me of an old friend I no longer have contact with.  They always called me that and hardly no one else called me that.  So when people on occasion call me “Kris” I immediately think of them. 

b. “If you know another language, describe how certain concepts are difficult to translate from one language to another. Discuss the role that culture plays in this phenomenon.” -Looking Out Looking In, page 207

I don’t know another language fluently, but I know that my great grandmother had this joke she would say in Oneida and my mom told me she asked her to tell it in English and my great grandma responded with “It wouldn’t be as funny!”
I have also seen different words that represent feelings or things that we don’t have words for in English.  For example, the Filipino word “Gigil” that is a word used to describe ‘the urge to pinch or squeeze something that is irresistibly cute.’ -mentalfloss.com 
I can imagine that different languages have words for different things because it is more of a common thing to happen in the culture that the language is a part of.  Furthermore, the feelings or things that we don't have words for in English happen more or are used or felt more in other cultures that the language is a part of.

Chapter 4 Activity and Chapter 5 Pause and Reflect

Kristen Halbritter
October 7, 2016
COMM 320
Chapter 4 Activity & Chapter 5 Pause and Reflect

Chapter 4 Activity

For the chapter 4 activity I chose to do the Mood Monitor Test from  http://mood-monitor.perbang.dk/
 to monitor possible depression I can potentially have.  My results on the Goldberg Scale according to this test is a 5 out of 53, which indicates that I have no obvious signs of depression and no depression is likely.  Additionally, it says that I accept the ups and downs which are a part of everyday life.  

I agree with the results.  I have never really felt chronically depressed and I think my future is full of hope and purpose.  Even if I did feel a little hopeless, I would remember that God has a plan for my life and wouldn't let it get me down.  Everyone gets sad and blue, but I am fortunate to rarely feel those types of feelings unless it is for obvious reasons.  I am also fortunate to be surrounded by people who love and care about me and would uplift me if I did feel somewhat depressed.  

Chapter 5 Pause and Reflect 

*All quotes found in the book 'Looking Out Looking In' on page 164

1) "Take a few minutes to listen to the inner voice you use when thinking.  Close your eyes now and listen to it. Did you hear the voice? Perhaps it was saying, "What voice? I don't have any voice..." Try again, and pay attention to what the voice is saying."

- My voice was thinking about the different things I need to pack for my camping trip this fall break and about the things that I need to do before leaving such as possibly watering my plants, finishing this assignment and cleaning up my room.   

2) "Now think about the following situations and imagine how you would react in each.  How would you interpret them with our inner voice? What feelings would follow from each interpretation?"

a. "While sitting on a bus, in class, or on the street, you notice an attractive person sneaking glances at you."

- At first I know I would question with my voice whether they are actually looking at me or at another person.  Knowing myself and being an introvert,  I would start to feel uncomfortable even though I think they're attractive and would think they're kind of sketch.  I would think to myself whether I'm sending out signals I'm not aware of and would probably try to figure out why they were looking.  Then I might proceed to move to get out of their field of vision because I would be a little creeped out. 

b. "During a lecture your professor asks the class, "What do you think about this?" and looks toward you."

- At first I know for sure that I would get butterflies in my stomach and would become extremely nervous because of my stuttering problem and possibility of talking about the wrong thing.  I would try to recall what they just talked about before asking the question.  I would be thinking with my voice "Oh goodness, what did they just talk about?!" and I would go over in my head quickly what I heard and what I should say before actually saying it.  If I had no clue what to say, I would just stay quiet until they looked to another person.  If they verbally asked me after giving me the look, I would say I didn't know or would risk saying something pertaining to the wrong subject. All this is assuming I wasn't paying attention previously.  If I did know what to say, I would still get butterflies in my stomach, would go over in my head what to say real quick, then say what I thought. 

c. "You are telling friends about your vacation, and one yawns."

- At first I would think with my voice, "What the heck?! How rude!" and then I would get a little upset at them.  I would feel disrespected and not really cared about.  If they were a good friend, why would they get bored or tired with me talking about my awesome vacation?  That would be my initial reaction, but if I knew they were tired and was sure that they do really care about me, I would just make a joking comment about the yawn or would just forget it happened in the first place. 

d. "You run into a friend on the street and ask how things are going. "Fine," she replies, and rushes off."

-At first I would think with my voice, "How strange of them to do that..."  Then I would proceed to question whether they were actually okay and would want to help them.  Rather, I would assume right off the bat that they were not doing 'fine.'  I would feel worried and would call for them or run after them and offer to help and get down to the bottom of the problem.

3) "Now recall three recent times when you felt a strong emotion.  For each one, recall the activating event and then the interpretation that led to your emotional reaction."

a. This last summer I had about a weeks time where I felt very anxious and worried.  The activating event was when someone very significant in my life expressed feelings of doubt about something very important to me.  I felt like this because I interpreted that in the near future I would be abandoned in a way.  That really worried me because I invested a lot in this 'something,' and it would greatly effect my life and future plans.  Everything turned out to be okay, though.

b. When my very loved Grandmother passed away in the beginning of the school year, I obviously felt very sad.  She helped my mother raise me, was very involved in my life, and was very important to me.  She was one of strongest supports in my life.  My sadness came from the interpretation that I will never see her again in this lifetime, that I will never get to hold her hand again or hear her sweet voice.  

c.  I felt happy when I found out that I am going to Aspen, Colorado with some of my family for a bit over Christmas break for an awesome ski vacation. I became even more happy when I found out that my boyfriend can come with me too!  My interpretation that made me so happy was that I get to finally ski again after years of not being able to cause of school, getting to see the new place my uncle has out there, and getting to go with my boyfriend who has never been to CO before.  Can't wait!